As a true believing member of the Church, I always avoided anything that could even remotely be considered "anti Mormon material." I had been dutifully conditioned to perceive anything negative about the Church to be lies, half-truths or unfair characterizations of the organization I knew to be perfect.
Because I was raised in the Church by parents who were completely devoted to the Church, I learned the Gospel very well. We were constantly taught the principles of the Gospel, so I knew it frontwards and backwards. We read the Book of Mormon twice a day, as a family. From the age of 7 until I left home at the age of 19, we averaged reading completely through the Book of Mormon (including the Introduction, testimonies of the witnesses, etc) once every 6 months. Realistically speaking, I've read through the Book of Mormon more than 20 times.
I say this to demonstrate that I knew the scriptures and the doctrines of the Church. And I have a habit of thinking about things, a lot. My Dad once told me my problem is that I "just think about things too much." He's got a point, because I eventually thought my way out of the Church. You see, when you really get down to it, the Gospel really doesn't make any sense. From a most basic level, the "plain and simple truths of the Gospel" are fundamentally flawed and contradictory. I will list here a few items to illustrate this point.
God gave two contradictory commandments in the Garden of Eden. Have children, and don't eat the forbidden fruit. But they couldn't keep the first commandment without breaking the second. Why did God do this? It makes no sense for a perfect being to contradict himself, from the very first get-go. I guess one could argue that it was by sinning that Adam and Eve were able to learn and grow. But if that's the case, then why do the Church leaders go to such great lengths to control members and keep them from "sinning?" Wouldn't they grow personally by exploring the world and learning for themselves, instead of just following every command handed down by the Brethren?
God loves us unconditionally, yet we must conform to hundreds, if not thousands, of conditions to be privileged to receive the fullness of his love.
When the Prophet speaks, the debate is over. Yet Prophets have made many statements in the past that the Church now has to publicly disavow or quietly distance itself from. What are the Prophets saying today that will someday have to be retracted or modified?
God commanded the Israelites to commit genocide on many cities. He commanded them to kill everyone, men women and children and livestock. Is this a loving father deserving of my worship?
God uses earthquakes and floods to destroy 16 cities in 3 Nephi chapter 9. Supposedly these cities were wicked so God was just punishing them. Am I the only one uncomfortable with the concept of a loving father killing his children because they disobeyed him? What about the innocent children in the cities? Is it somehow okay because He used floods and earthquakes instead of his own hands? This is a very disturbing story from the Book of Mormon that clearly illustrates why I can not love, worship or respect the Mormon God.
How is Nephi obeying the voice in his head, commanding him to chop off Laban's head, any different than all the other crazies out there claiming God commanded them to perform some horrible deed?
How does it possibly make sense that we will live out the rest of eternity, based entirely on how well we followed the commands given to us by other humans who claim to speak for God? Why would God set up such a flimsy method for determining the outcome for something of literal eternal consequences. There are hundreds of thousands of humans who claim to speak for God. And all of their followers claim to know in their hearts that their Prophet/Leader/Guru is the right one. I think God should have come up with a better plan. At least, one not so fraught with so much ambiguity and subjective methods for determining truth.
Alma and Amulek were forced to witness the burning of believing women and children. When Amulek questions Alma why they can't step forward and use the Priesthood to save the women and children, Alma give a very interesting response. He says the spirit constrains him from doing so because God will now be justified in killing and punishing the wicked. Let me get this straight. God wants to punish his own children so he allows them to burn his other children. Again, this is not a God I find particularly desirable or moral. Alma 14
When we ask questions about how the Priesthood works (or why it doesn't work) or what exactly determines who goes to the Celestial Kingdom or the other kingdoms or other aspects of the Gospel that are hazy or unclear, it's typical to receive a response along the lines of "Well, there are many things we just don't know" or "We'll have to wait for the next life before we can understand that" or "God is beyond our mental capacity to comprehend." And yet, despite all of this vagueness and uncertainty and inability to understand how God works and what he thinks, Church leaders have an amazing ability to discern precisely what God wants us to do. For instance, we know God wants exactly 10% of our money. We know God wants us to wear very specific underwear with very precise markings on them that are placed in very specific locations on the article of clothing. And God has even gone so far as to provide us with a card to read each time we renew our temple recommend where we can see it plainly spelled out when, where and how God wants us to wear this underwear. God does not want us to watch R rated movies. God does not want us to drink coffee, ever. God does not want anyone who doesn't pay 10% of their income, and doesn't wear the correct underwear in the exactly perfect manner and does drink coffee to witness us getting married. These are all very specific behaviors required of a God that is beyond our mental capacity to comprehend and yet who is so very vague about so many other things. I always found it interesting that God seems to be so clear about what behaviors are acceptable or unacceptable, yet seems to be so hazy and inconsistent on many other things. For instance, why don't priesthood blessings really heal anyone, why don't prophets today actually prophesy, why women are not allowed to have the priesthood, why are billions of people on earth allowed to be afflicted with disease and abuse and neglect, why would God want the Church to build a $5 Billion mall next to the Salt Lake temple, etc. I could go on and on.
Why are revelations in the Doctrine and Covenants so very specific and directed at specific individuals? Why don't prophets today receive such specific revelations. Why are so many of the revelations in the D&C self serving for Joseph Smith? It's rather convenient for Joseph that he received Section 132 from God that states Emma is to get in line and be ok with Joseph having multiple wives or else she will "be destroyed."
I could go on and on. The Gospel is chock full of inconsistencies and contradictions and things that just don't plain make any sense. At the end of the day, after a few years of thinking about everything, I finally had to face the reality that there was no way to distinguish between Joseph Smith and the many thousands of charlatans and scammers who have perpetrated frauds on society. A warm feeling in my heart is no way of establishing truth. In fact, scientific studies have shown time and time again that the human brain is prone to fooling itself. The human brain has a knack for completely convincing itself of things that just aren't true.
Joseph Smith wasn't a real Prophet. The Book of Mormon is not a literal history of an ancient Jewish civilization that lived in the Americas before Columbus arrived. President Monson no more speaks for God today than I do. The Church is not what it claims to be. And I will gladly go toe to toe with anyone who thinks they can demonstrate otherwise. I'm always open to new information and if someone thinks they can enlighten me, please, I will absolutely listen to you.
