I remember the time well. I was a 13 year old kid in the summer of 1994. President Ezra Taft Benson had just died after many years of being out of commission due to health reasons.
Howard W Hunter had just been put in place as Prophet Seer and Revelator for the church, as well as for the world. I didn't know much about Hunter, as my only experiences with him were from seeing him speak in General Conference.
Our Home Teachers came over to visit. In our house, kids were expected to sit down, be quiet and listen. So we had to put our evening on hold until the home teachers wrapped it up.
One of the home teachers began talking about the new prophet. He emphasized how we are to not only support and sustain President Hunter, but we are to also have a personal testimony of the divinity of his calling. Then Brother Home Teacher explained that we were going to go around the room and each person in the room was to stand and bear their testimony that they knew President Hunter was the true and living Prophet.
When my turn came, I refused. My reasoning was that I could not stand and claim to know something that I in fact did not know. I figured I was just acting in an honest fashion by not lying. This was not acceptable to neither the home teacher nor my family. My father and home teacher explained to me that we would all wait, in silence, until I was willing to claim to know the prophet was called of God. So I sat there. I was not going to lie.
And so we all sat there. With everyone staring at me. The home teacher's eyes were boring into me. A couple siblings implored me to just say it so we could send these guys home and we could get back to our lives. I finally realized my father and the H.T. were not kidding. They were absolutely going to wait me out. I was trapped. The only way out of this was to just say I knew President Hunter was a real Prophet. So I caved, but only because I knew my hands were tied. I mumbled something about him being a true prophet and sat down. The Home Teacher gave me a self satisfied look and went on with his lesson.
Sometimes I wonder why I didn't see through this organization sooner. What was it about me or my situation that kept me from the truth for over 30 years? What compelled that young 13 year-old boy, intent on living with integrity, to wholeheartedly buy into the lies and deception, and ignore the manipulation, within only a couple years?
By the time I was 15 I fully believed the church to be true. I no longer questioned at all. Even when some things in the church rubbed me the wrong way and irritated me, I never wavered from my absolute belief in the truthfulness of the church. There had never been anything in my life I had more firmly believed than "The church is true!!" No one or anything could possibly sway me from that belief. Even when the time came to serve a mission, 2 years that would ultimately be the most miserable of my life, I never doubted the legitimacy of the claims of the church. I knew the church was true. The personal price I had to pay to endure a mission was fine. I knew that no price was too high when it came to living according to the demands of the church, because the church is true!! And no price is too high for the truth.
Hindsight is 20/20. The signs of the real truth were all there in front of me. But I pushed them aside, so as to not distract me from the "truth" of the church. It only took me 30 years to figure it out. It would have been better to figure it out at age 20, or even better at 10. But I just have to remember my situation is better than finally finding the truth at age 40 or 50. Or even worse, after I die. What a shame it would be to not learn the truth until after I had wasted my entire life living under a false set of assumptions. The key is to make the most of the time I have left. And that is exactly what I intend to do.
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